The Great Life Explosion (Or Why I Didn't Finish a Book in June)

My mom passed away on June 12th. From diagnosis to death was just six weeks, and in that time I spent much of it caring for her, helping my dad, making arrangements, becoming an expert in how Hospice works and the intricacies of Schedule II narcotics and how to administer them safely. And then she died, and I wrote a eulogy for her funeral, planned the service with my siblings, organized food, spoke at her memorial, extroverted at the visitation, and then hopped in a car and drove 10 hours to Florida to drop off three of our kids for their summer mission trips. 

In other words, reading didn't happen, but life did.

Photo by Clara Carruthers on Unsplash

There are several life events it feels like no one talks about or prepares you for, and I'm currently juggling a few of them. Perimenopause and the changes that come with that being one (good luck having a productive conversation with your GYN about that, unless you bring it up and move it forward!), the death of a parent being another. Fortunately (??), I have several friends who have already buried one or both parents, and they have kindly shared some insights from their experience. But, much like raising kids - everyone's experience and situation is unique to them. You have to factor in family, expectations, finances, personalities, faith, and so much more, making each and every situation just a little bit of a crap shoot. 

My mom was 84-years old. She had lived a long life, and a good one. That being said, her death was still unexpected. In six months she went from being a vivacious grandma to a shell of herself, not even able to get out of bed on her own. In the last six weeks she went from a loving wife and mom, always waiting on others and making sure they had what they needed, to someone in need of 24-hour care. 

We don't get a say in how we die. Sometimes I think it would be nice if we did. Of course I think that - I'm a recovering control enthusiast! But since we don't, the next best thing we can do, if we have any foreknowledge of our end, is to die well. In this case, that meant Mom's kids reading the Bible to her when she could no longer read it for herself. It involved singing to her when she could no longer sing with us. It looked like helping her eat, drink, walk, and go to the bathroom. In many ways, it was the reverse of what she did for all five of her kids when we were babies and toddlers. 

And it was the greatest honor of my life to be a part of her care. 

There were many days when I got into my car after being at my parent's house for 12 and 14 hours, and cried all the way home. It's not easy watching your mother die or her husband of 64-years try to figure out how to do life without his spouse. Not only is it not easy, there are times when it downright stinks. 

But throughout this entire process, from the beginning of all the tests in April, to her final breath in June, the one message that has been impressed upon my head and heart over and over again is this: God is Good. 

It's a simple message. But one that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, to be true. People say it easily enough when life is going well. When the vacation plans pan out, when you get the job promotion and the raise, when you sniff that "new car smell" or make the last payment on your dream home. But what about in the grey times? What about when the basic bills exceed the size of your paycheck? When your marriage doesn't go the "happily ever after" route? When your child goes down a path you'd rather they not go because you know it will only hurt them, and possibly others? Or when the test comes back positive for cancer...when your mother has shrunk to a shell of herself...when your dad gets in the car to go home by himself. Can you still say that God is good?  

Psalm 34 is all about the goodness of the LORD:

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! {vs. 8}

But a few verses later, David reminds us: 

"17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

The righteous WILL have afflictions, but in those afflictions, the LORD is near. When we are "crushed in spirit," the LORD is Good. When we "cry for help," the LORD hears. In other words, if we want to die well, we must first live well. We must, like Job, be able to say in all situations, "The LORD gives and the LORD takes away. Blessed be the Name of the LORD." Or, more simply, God is Good. And He is, my friend, He is. 

I miss my mom. But she is more alive today than she has ever been before. I hurt for my dad. But I know the Lord is near to the brokenhearted, saving the crushed in spirit, and before we know it my dad will be reunited with his sweetheart, face-to-face with the LORD, singing praises to their Savior. What hope and joy is mine in knowing this life, this interlude, is but a vapor, but Heaven is forever. 

God Is Good.

My Lonely Bookshelf (What I Read: May)

The beginning of May, my 84-year-old mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. There is no cure, and the treatment that they hoped would give her some relief, didn't do anything for her. Within a matter of days she went from walking on her own to shuffling around with the assistance of a walker. 

My days also changed, from wrapping up another home school year with the four at home, to becoming a full-time nurse and caregiver, taking care of my mom, handling her new medications, sitting with her at the oncologist, talking to doctors, learning about Hospice, conferring with family members near and far, setting up a Meal Train, comforting distraught friends, making sure my dad was still eating and had clean clothes, and more. 

And while I've had my share of time just sitting and waiting, my brain hasn't really been in reading mode. I did, however, manage to continue to read some each day in my Kindle app, and I did finish one book. Rather than choosing to focus on the goals I'm not meeting, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that one of my other goals, spending more time with my aging parents, is being more than met. Although it's not exactly what I was thinking when I set that goal, I'll happily take it, and no regrets. 

Go hug your parents if they are nearby. If you can't, pick up the phone and call them. See how they're doing. Ask about their day. Tell them you love them. It can all change in the blink of an eye, so do it while you can, and don't leave room for "I wish I had...." 

Photo by Kamil Switalski on Unsplash

I'm sad to say that the one book I did manage to finish in May wasn't even that great, but I'm still glad I read it. Even though I didn't love it, it did give me some new ideas and food for thought, so I'll count that as a win.

1. Intermittent Fasting Transformation by Cynthia Thurlow, NP - ★★★ The title and idea of this book promised a lot, but in the end I didn't really find it to be sustainable. There were aspects of this book that, while reading, I thought, "Well, that might be worth a shot," but she lost me when it came to actually measuring the grams of food. I appreciated her focus on fasting around cycles (for different ages of women), and how that affects the outcome of IF. Lots of recipes in the back, but as someone who is still feeding five other people every day, I am not in a position to make two separate meals, and my kids wouldn't go for these, so...just take the good stuff from here, and tweak it to fit the life you have. That's what I'm walking away with. Three stars. {Amazon Associates Link}

I have several new books in process, even if it's slow process, at the moment, and added in a re-read (for the fourth time) that sounded like it would be enjoyable (James A. Michener's The Source). Even though I'm not currently meeting my five-books-a-month goal, I am reaching my "read daily" goal, so choosing to focus on the small wins for now. There will be future seasons when I have lots of time for reading and no ability to hold my mom's hand, which puts everything into perspective. Choose wisely.

What I (Didn't) Read: April

As I type this, it's drizzling outdoors, with a hint of sunshine in the background of the clouds. My favorite sort of a day. The perfect day, in fact, for curling up and reading. But, as life has taught me, we don't always get to do what we consider the "perfect" activity for the day, so here I sit, tied to my desk, working away on this (and other) tasks. I suppose if I can't actually be reading the next best thing is to be writing about it, followed by proofreading the musings of authors who want to share their content with the world. It's not a bad gig if you can get it. But I'd still rather be reading.     

Photo by Elin Melaas on Unsplash

Coming in from last month, after two slow reading months, I knew I had to stick to my 5-books-a-month pace if I wanted to stay on track for the year. But then LIFE hit, and it hit HARD. When a family member received some life-changing health news, reading very quickly went to the back burner, and as those around me reminded me...that's okay. 

There are seasons. 

There will be times in the future when I will have all the time in the world, sitting and waiting, to read. This is not one of those seasons. So for the month of April, while I did spend time reading pages in a paper book and a few pages a day in my Kindle app, this is the list of my books for the month...

1. ZIP
2. ZERO
3. NADA

And that's okay. If we're talking about GOALS...daily reading has still occurred. In addition to reading at least a page or two on my Kindle every day, and the occasional paper book, I have spent many, many hours reading (and listening to) my Bible. And this month, that's the best thing I could have done. 

Go hug your family. 

Call your parents. 

Check in on your grandparents. 

Put your phone down and engage with your loved ones.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

What I Read: March

Another month gone. A quarter of the year checked off the calendar. Time passes so swiftly. And what do we do with it? Do we use it wisely? Do we fritter it away? Do we tell it where to go or wonder where it's gone? Everyone has 168 hours in a week, but it's what we do with them that matters. Some days I'm better at telling the time where to go than others (making sure I read something every day remains a priority), and other days I get to the end of the day and think, "Well, that could have gone better." But no matter what, the idea is that we do what we can with the time we have been given. Whether your life is long or short, use your years well. 

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

And speaking of hours spent reading, March was a struggle for me in that department. I've been working my way through a Kindle book about the history of Britain's early kings (one star, but still forced myself to finish), which seriously slogged me down. I had several books that I picked up for free (using trade credit at a local used bookstore) and was hoping that having books that I was excited to read would put me well-past my four books last month, but alas. Life and other responsibilities (and slogging through that king book) have kept me slightly off the pace. 

However, I'm still reading every day, even if it's not as much as I would hope (I'm embracing my 2025 motto: doing something is better than doing nothing!), and below are my quick reviews of what I did read in March. I'd love to hear about your favorite book from the last month, so hit me up in the comments!

1. The Bullet that Missed by Richard Osman - ★★★★★ About half-way through this book I thought, "Oh shoot. This is slow and going to be a disappointment." And about three chapters later I was snort-laughing and finished the rest of the book in a day. So hilarious, mixed with a tinge of sadness (the realities of aging and setting your plot in a retirement home). I absolutely LOVED the new additions to the mix, and even though I had already somewhat suspected the "who" in the "done it" part of the story, the whole thing was just a delightful escape for a few hours. In fact, it made me break my 2025 rule of reading 10 books before I was allowed to buy another. I immediately went to the Kindle store and used Kindle and Amazon credits (and a little cash) to buy book #4 so I could start reading immediately. (And was immediately crushed by the first chapter, but people have to be killed or there's no murder to solve, right?) Morality warning: there are all kinds of people, of all ages, hooking up in this book, but nothing graphic. I just wanted to mention it, especially since there was nothing like that in the first book. {Amazon Associates Link}
2. The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman - ★★ Five stars for writing - Osman is very talented when it comes to creating characters and slowly giving them more depth. When chapter 60 hit, I bawled like a baby, which I hated as a reader, and appreciated as a writer. That being said...yes, you see that right, two stars for the story this time. The downside of making your primary characters of geriatric age is...death. But compared to Book #1, this took more liberties (with relationships and involving sexuality) than I want in a "cozy murder" book. And deaths. Lots of deaths in this story. Humor as well, but not enough to counteract the death theme. It was just, in general, darker. Although well written, I just didn't enjoy this book nearly as much as I did Books 1-3. I'll give book #5 a try when it comes out, and hope it goes back into the safer realms of the first three, but we'll have to wait and see. Morality warning: This time around, Osman created a homosexual past (and possibly future) for one of the main characters. This comes towards the end of the book, and there's a hint that it might become an ongoing story line. 
3. Unruly by David Mitchell - ★ I'm all for making learning history fun (and funny), especially when it comes to the terribly lengthy history of England's creation and monarchy. But I couldn't get past the vulgarity (including a number of F-bombs) used by the author. There are so many amazing words in the English language, in my opinion it's just laziness to substitute profanity for humor and wit. Language is a beautiful thing when well used. My enjoyment of the content was tainted by the vocabulary. I was hoping for a major win here, something that would make learning about the various kings (and occasional queens) of England a little more palatable, but, alas, the quest continues. 

And that's it. Three books. A five star, a two star (which, by the way, most people disagree with me on that, but to each his or her own!), and a one star. Not a very stellar month as far as reading is concerned, but I have several in process that I hope to complete in April, and I'm still on-track (just) for my 60 books goal for 2025. How about you? Best book of March? Hit me up in the comments! 

What I Read (February)

A short month means fewer days to get those books in, but I did my best with the time I had and I think it turned out alright. I'm working through a few good series at the moment (outlined below) and since I crossed the 10-books-read threshold, that meant I was also allowed to buy my first "just for fun" book reward book (which happened to be a used copy of the third Thursday Murder Club series, using Amazon points, so it still cost me nothing - win-win-win!). Its been a busy month, with family birthdays and band events and a couple of little day trips, but having my morning and evening routines in place (which both include reading) has really helped me stay on track with my reading goals so far this year. Hooray for new routines and good habits!

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

I mentioned finding some good series to dive into, and so far my favorite have been the Thursday Murder Club, the Marlow Murder Mysteries, and the Hawthorne & Horowitz Mysteries. If you've read any of those and know of something along the same lines, please feel free to jump into the comments and let me know! I'm always up for a cozy, not too gory, not overly crass series to try. In the meantime, here are my thoughts about what I read in February...

1. A Line to Kill by Anthony Horowitz - ★★★ This is book #3 in the Hawthorne and Horowitz murder mystery series. So far, book #1 was a five star, book #2 went down to four stars, and now we're at three...I'm hoping this is not a trend that continues. The options for suspects were numerous, but...this one had too many loose ends for me (like totally dropping what the final outcome of BAN NAB was, or explaining why the volunteer constable was so unhappy). The murderer wasn't particularly satisfactory, nor the ending neatly tied up. It was nice that this time Horowitz doesn't end up with a knife in him somewhere. If that happened three in a row, I might have given up on the series. As it is, I'll move on to Book #4 and see if any of the secrets of Hawthorne's past finally come to light (his continual avoidance of answering questions about himself is actually getting a little old as well). {Amazon Associates Link}
2. Born Survivors by Wendy Holden - ★★★★★ It's hard not to feel a variety of emotions when you read stories like this. Stories of such horrific events that your brain cannot imagine such unfathomable things occurring, nor people surviving them, and even bringing new life into them. The author did an outstanding job researching and setting the stage for how each of these women, Priska, Rachel, and Anka, arrived at the point of giving birth in unimaginable circumstances (during a bombing raid at a forced-labor factory, in the coal car of a railroad transport, on a cart of dead and dying women at the very gates of Mauthausen death camp). To know their "befores" and their "afters" and to be present when each of them becomes a mother, without knowing that all three were together, in the same situation, paints a picture you won't soon wipe from your mind. {Amazon Associates Link}
3. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy J. Keller, Kathy Keller - ★ Unpopular opinion warning. ⚠️ First of all, for a variety of reasons (which I will not be discussing here) I am not, in general, a fan of marriage books. However, the Hubs and I were asked to read several in the hopes of finding one good one for use with struggling couples in our church. My beef with this isn't so much Tim Keller's viewpoint (although he does defer to the world's so-called "knowledge" a lot) as it was his wordiness. Three-hundred-plus pages that could have all been summed up in one: Love God. Love People. People = your spouse. Get over yourself and your self-love, stop focusing on what you think THEY should be doing for you, start asking God how He wants to change YOU. The end. Marriage Book Alternative Recommendation: You and Me Forever by Francis Chan (honestly, good for singles, too!) {Amazon Associates Link}
   
4. When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey - ★★★ I went in with a bad attitude, honestly (see above: I don't like marriage books), but was pleasantly surprised. He gets to the heart of the issue straight away: sin. Good stuff, 183 pages, takes you all the way through death and ending well. Most of it isn't even specific to marriage (but can all be applied in marriage), meaning a single person could read this book and get some good takeaways from it as far as how to grow in Christ and live for others rather than self. The only reason I would still prefer/recommend Francis Chan's book over this one is because Francis writes it with his wife, Lisa, so you get takes from both sides. There were several times when I felt like Harvey was a bit one-sided in his view, and quite honestly, a little tone-deaf on the chapter about sex. Otherwise, not bad. {Amazon Associates Link}

I have four other books in process at the moment, but I didn't finish any of them before the end of the month. However, because of my strong start in January, I'm still ahead for the year, so I'm on track for 60 books in 2025. What about you? What was the best book you read in February? Hit me up in the comments and let me know!

What I Read: January

I've mentioned before that winter is my reading season. It's cozy and cold (SO COLD this month!) and dark early and the perfect time (for me) to get a lot of books knocked off my list. I'm doubly motivated this year as I get to buy a new book for every 10 books I read from my own shelves, and I'm dying to get the next book in the Thursday Murder Club series. Have you read them? If you like cozy British mysteries and septuagenarian sleuths...this is definitely a set for you to check out.

And while last year was all about reading through the books on my shelf (some months were a little more themed than others, like more self-improvement in January or mystery in October), this year I am grabbing the books that grab my interest. I had a few reading slumps in 2024 (despite making it through 62 books for the year), but I don't like forcing myself to finish books. So this year I'm starting out by simply reading the books that make me laugh, or the ones that sound interesting...and then are interesting. Reading to hit the numbers isn't really the point (well, it's sort of the point, but not the main point)...I want to read to learn, read to grow, and read to laugh. 

What's on your reading list this year?

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

I was pretty pleased with myself when I had read my third book of the month by January 7th, but I also knew that the slump could come at any time, so it's always best to make hay while the sun shines (Pa Ingalls taught me that). 

1. The Man Who Died Twice by Richard Osman - ★★★★ I mentioned the Thursday Murder Club series at the start of this post, and this is book #2. I had really low expectations of the first book, and I think because my expectations were so raised during the reading of that, I probably had slightly high expecations for the second book. Don't get me wrong, it was great! I thoroughly enjoyed it and read it in a couple of days, but it received four stars, rather than five, as the first one received. However, the gang is all back together in this one, along with some new members (grandsons, taxi drivers, and a few folks from MI5 and 6 and the American mafia, just to keep it interesting). {Amazon Associates Link}
2. The Man Who Invented Christmas by Les Standiford - ★★★★ I purchased the movie tie-in Kindle version of this (two things I dislike: movie tie-in versions and ebooks, but it was the cheapest way to get it!), and missed the fact that 40% of the book was actually Dickens' A Christmas Carol. So when I got to the 60% mark and Standiford's book ended, I was a bit confused, until I realized we were now diving into Dickens' story after we finished reading about his life, writing, and the most well known of his Christmas tales, A Christmas Carol. This is really more of a 3.5 star book, but I rounded up, because I did learn a few things about Dickens that made all of his stories make more sense. I think there are probably better biographies of Dickens, but this wasn't a bad little book in its own right. {Amazon Associates Link}
3. Your Year of Wonders by Nick Tasler - ★★★★ This is quite a short little read (just 104 pages), which the author calls the perfect "airplane read." This is not a check-list "how to" book, nor does it need to be as we are all coming from different places with different stories, but it is an encouraging book to start out the year. The stories that he shares of people who have accomplished big things, gotten stuck, and figured out a way to move forward are encouraging. I particularly liked his take on fear as a motivator - positive for getting one moving out of a stuck position, negative for encouraging creativity. Not only a good thought for all of us when faced with fear, but a good reminder for parents when dealing with children. {Amazon Associates Link} 
4. The Night Trilogy by Elie Wiesel - ★★ This was a hard series to read. It actually gets two stars because I dislike that the first book (Night) is the non-fiction account of the author's experience in Nazi concentration camps as a 15-year-old boy, while the following books (Dawn and Accident) are fictional accounts, which could easily lead people into thinking that the first book is as well. And the Holocaust should never, in any way, be turned into fiction. It was real, it was horrific, and it should be remembered and learned from. So, although a heavy read, I would give Night four stars on its own, but not included in this trilogy, which gets two. On their own, I would say that Dawn and Accident, while fiction, are highly influenced by Weisel's experiences during the Holocaust, which clearly comes through in his writing. Although he physically survived the war, after reading his work I would say he died mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, which is what made them so difficult to read. {Amazon Associates Link} 
5. The Word is Murder by Anthony Horowitz - ★★★★★ About a third of the way through the book I thought this might turn out to be a disappointment. But by the time I was 80% done with the book and the killer was suddenly revealed and I never saw it coming...I was totally hooked. The premise, that the actual author is writing the story as if it happened, and he was the Watson to Hawthorne's "Sherlock," was intriguing. There was death and murder and blood, but it wasn't gory. In fact, it reminded me a lot of watching "Midsomer Murders," which is no surprise...since the author wrote for that show very early on. Bottom line: The perfect cold-weather, winter cozy read. {Amazon Associates Link}
6. Everyone In My Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson - ★★★ This was a toss-up between three and four stars for me. It was an interesting premise, with a lot of background and a lot of characters to keep track of, which is one of the reasons I ended up giving it three stars instead of four. If you read this, read it all in a weekend, because I ended up setting it down a few times and coming back several days later and I had to remind myself who was who in the story. But when I was reading it straight through, they all made sense. There was definitely a twist at the end that I only saw coming moments before it happened, so that was nice. And the twist at the very end I never saw coming, so kudos to the author for that one. I would definitely give him another try, based on this book. {Amazon Associates Link}
7. The Sentence is Death by Anthony Horowitz - ★★★★ This is the second book in the Hawthorne & Horowitz Mysteries series, and I enjoyed it almost as much as the first. It was a bit of a letdown (which the author, himself, included that letdown as part of the plot line) when the ending felt so similar to the first book. However, just like the first book, I really didn't see who the murderer was until right before (as in a page or two) they were revealed. He does a great job of throwing a lot of options out there, and let you be as confused as he (the author) is in trying to untangle them. All in all, I'm quite enjoying this series and have already started book #3, so you can look for that review next month! {Amazon Associates Link}

And that's the wrap up of the first seven books of 2025. Not a bad beginning, all things considered, and a few winning series that I'm looking forward to continuing this year (and thankfully, all the authors are still writing them, which is fun). 

What's the best book you've read so far in the year? Book goals? 

Jump in the comments and share!

Focus on the Positive

A friend recently pointed out that she tends to listen to her inner critic and focus on all the things she didn't accomplish, all the ways she failed (even if it wasn't an actual failure). But when she sat down at the beginning of the year to review her goals from last year, she decided to focus on the positive instead, rather than honing in on the goals she didn't meet. And lo and behold...her list of "wow" moments from 2024 grew before her eyes. 

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

I thought this was a brilliant observation. How often do you look at the negative, focusing on all the things that didn't work or that you didn't try or didn't do? And on the flip side, how often do you celebrate the "little" wins and appreciate the steps you took to do something different? With this in mind, I'd like to publicly put out there my list of "wows" for 2024, and encourage you to take some time to process your own "wow" moments from the last year. If my guess is correct, you probably have more of them then you might think...

• I only walked one day the week of New Years. Since June, I walked an average of 5 days a week for 6 months straight, after being a couch potato, basically since 2020!
• I only lost 7 lbs. this year, and now I'm stuck. I started intermittent fasting in April and am still doing it and feel better overall than I have in a few years!
• I only read one book in December. I set a goal to read 48 books this year, which I completed in August and went on to read 62 books for the year!
• I didn't save for a vacation like I planned. We took the kids on multiple "adventure days" and splurged on local events and meals that made for great memories!
• I didn't have time to invest in local friendships. I was surprised by a couple of friendships that developed over text and have become lifelines on hard days!
• My husband had to close his business. We took a leap into a new venture and so far it's paying the bills and God has provided even more than we expected!
• I didn't get as many outside work gigs as I hoped. I heard from an old client who responded to an email I'd sent months earlier, which provided income right when we needed it!

Do you see the difference? One viewpoint only looks at things through the lens of failure. The things I wanted to accomplish but didn't. The other focuses on all the good things that did happen! I'll be honest, as an INTJ, I'm not great at looking at the positive (realism is built into my DNA!). But this was such a good exercise in recognizing, not only how many good things happened over the last year, but all the ways I changed in my mindset and outlook along the way.

What are your "wow" moments?